I have mentioned before that as a member of the LDS Church, I am very lucky to have resources to allow me to socialize with other single adults of my faith. Evenso, at times these activities and opportunities become somewhat wearisome... As my previous entry indicates, the ratio of men to women is so not in the favor of women. This is a part of it. I honestly have begun feeling lately that I don't really get much out of the social opportunities that I have. I am grateful for them nonetheless, of course. However, I am currently in a transitional stage.
The way these "programs" are set up is in such a way that the Young Single Adults are 18-30 and are generally college age adults. Well, then everyone else that is single is lumped into the Single Adults. 31-infinity. With the trends of today, that makes it quite a varied group. Not only age but situation (never married, divorced, widowed, etc). I have been poaching in the Young Single Adults group for the last year. I haven't had any obections, of course as I've been one of the main people that has planned and executed many of the activities.
Socially speaking, unfortunately, I don't really feel like I've been getting much from these activities. There are a variety of reasons... I guess for the most part... when I'm driving the hour or so home from the activity... I don't feel fulfilled, uplifted, happy.. or anything along those lines. So as I said, I don't feel like I get all that much from the activities.
Now, there is a potential for a Mid-Single Adult group... It's being looked into to determine whether there's an actual need for it, per se.
I've historically been kinda freaked out about guys older than me... At least in recent years. I believe I've written before that the age of guy that I have tended to be interested in hasn't changed much in the last ten years... They used to be older than me, but now... not so much :) Anyway... So I've been hanging on to the YSA group fearing the unknown.. Fearing being stuck socializing with a bunch of retirees. Not that there isn't a time and place for that... But that's not exactly what I'm looking for socially.
So my friend and I were discussing these ideas earlier today. Firstly, do I really believe that I'm gonna meet someone (aka "the one") at Church? or at a Church activity? Some argue that you're more likely to meet someone through a common acquaintance. These are all possibilities. Let's not kid ourselves.
In pondering this... I came to a conclusion. I have no idea where I'll meet someone. But I surely won't be meeting anyone if I'm sitting at home avoiding life and all it has to offer. Sometimes we have to endure the mundane things in order to prove ourselves. I compared it to an aspect of missionary life. As a full-time LDS missionary, there are a variety of ways to find people to teach the gospel to. We all know that tracting is one of the least effective ways. Knocking door to door and finding someone that is interested is a rarity. It's not impossible, of course. Just rare. But as missionaries, we did it. We would knock doors when we had no other teaching appointments or member families to ask for referrals. Even though we KNEW that it was less effective, we were still putting forth the effort because it was the Lord's time and His work. And when we were obedient and doing everything we knew how to do... We would inevitably be blessed. We might not find someone at the home of a door we knocked... But maybe a member family had a friend that was now ready to be taught. We used the Lord's time wisely and He blessed us for it.
I determined that our life as single adults is much like that. Though instead of finding someone to share the gospel with, we're wanting to find someone to share our eternity with. Instead of knocking on doors, we attend single adult activities that might not be the most exciting or fulfilling of activities for us... But we do these things with the hope that we are proving to the Lord that we are willing to do what it takes to be led to a person that has been prepared for us. It's not easy... It won't always be bunnies and flowers happy... But in the end it will be worth it. The Lord really does have a timeline for each of us. It's the only thing that makes sense to me. It's just difficult for us to appreciate because we don't have the perfect eternal perspective that God has. He knows so much better than we do what's best for us. We have to choose to believe that. And as we strive to make choices that align with Heavenly Father's will, well then... That is when we find our peace.
16 August 2008
Gray Hairs, Odds and me
Well, it's been awhile. Shocking, I know. But really, it's all for you, the reader of this blog. Because I don't want to post something that sucks. Hopefully this doesn't suck. :)
So my title for this entry is not just a clever name... Let's start with gray hairs. What's up with that? I've long enjoyed my days of pigmented hairs on my head. It was around my 29th birthday when I first noticed a gray hair. I was having a hard enough time dealing with approaching the dead end I envisioned 30 would be, so I promptly yanked it out without looking back. It's been a couple of years since then... And I prided my fully pigmented locks. Several weeks ago (with a youthful 'do of pig-tailed french braids no less), a friend of mine spotted a strand of hair that was white like the surf on the sea... Glaring out at the world from amidst my dark locks. In a moment of panic, I requested the necessary assistance to remove it. Again, it was yanked out. But wait. This is NOT the end. Just this last week... I was on my way to work and as I glanced in the rearview mirror... I noticed a kind of light colored hair staring at me. Sticking staright up from the crown of my head. It was shorter than the rest. And it was making itself known to me. Maybe marking its territory, I don't know. But it did a killer impersonation of Alfalfa. Seriously. Though, of course being one strand, it was more like Alfalfa Light. So... As ornery as it was... I stared it in the face (er... follicle?), and have accepted it into my life. I can't always see it, but I know it's there. Ready and willing to add character to the hairs on my head. I've since discovered another one hiding in among the hairs along my one temple. It's more subtle. But it, too has been allowed to stay. At present, they're not wreaking havoc. So they've been allowed to remain as they are.
Nextly we have the odds. Now most of you should know that I am Mormon aka LDS aka member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. This is a very family oriented religion. And as most people and especially as most Mormons, I would someday love to have a family of my own. Now, in recent years the numbers of single adult Mormons has continued to grow. So I was quite shocked to read my odds as calculated circa 1981.
I found myself reading about Single Adults in the Encyclopedia of Mormonism. Apparently there was a study done in 1981 (by I think Goodman and Heaton) on LDS single adults. A few of the facts that they determined were somewhat disturbing, yet quite explanatory as to my current situation [lack of love life]. Now, apparently, this study has determined that the odds for an active LDS woman over age 30 to marry an active LDS man over age 30 is quite an impossibility. Why? Well, for every 100 active LDS women (attends church regularly) over the age of 30, there are only 19 active LDS men. That's right. Pathetic. And this study was done in 1981! What of it NOW??? It would seem to me that the number of amazing, accomplished, active LDS women as multiplied exceedingly! I personally know at least a dozen! Not all are necessarily over 30, of course but many are nigh unto the taboo age of which I speak.
Surprisingly, I have not allowed myself to freak out about this information, as alarming as it sounds, I'm OK. :) I knew you were worried, see. As I've mentioned previously in blogs past, deep down there is still an undying hope for things to come. Hope that the righteous desires of my heart will at last be fulfilled. To quote an old favorite jazz standard, "someday he'll come along... the man I love..."
So my title for this entry is not just a clever name... Let's start with gray hairs. What's up with that? I've long enjoyed my days of pigmented hairs on my head. It was around my 29th birthday when I first noticed a gray hair. I was having a hard enough time dealing with approaching the dead end I envisioned 30 would be, so I promptly yanked it out without looking back. It's been a couple of years since then... And I prided my fully pigmented locks. Several weeks ago (with a youthful 'do of pig-tailed french braids no less), a friend of mine spotted a strand of hair that was white like the surf on the sea... Glaring out at the world from amidst my dark locks. In a moment of panic, I requested the necessary assistance to remove it. Again, it was yanked out. But wait. This is NOT the end. Just this last week... I was on my way to work and as I glanced in the rearview mirror... I noticed a kind of light colored hair staring at me. Sticking staright up from the crown of my head. It was shorter than the rest. And it was making itself known to me. Maybe marking its territory, I don't know. But it did a killer impersonation of Alfalfa. Seriously. Though, of course being one strand, it was more like Alfalfa Light. So... As ornery as it was... I stared it in the face (er... follicle?), and have accepted it into my life. I can't always see it, but I know it's there. Ready and willing to add character to the hairs on my head. I've since discovered another one hiding in among the hairs along my one temple. It's more subtle. But it, too has been allowed to stay. At present, they're not wreaking havoc. So they've been allowed to remain as they are.
Nextly we have the odds. Now most of you should know that I am Mormon aka LDS aka member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. This is a very family oriented religion. And as most people and especially as most Mormons, I would someday love to have a family of my own. Now, in recent years the numbers of single adult Mormons has continued to grow. So I was quite shocked to read my odds as calculated circa 1981.
I found myself reading about Single Adults in the Encyclopedia of Mormonism. Apparently there was a study done in 1981 (by I think Goodman and Heaton) on LDS single adults. A few of the facts that they determined were somewhat disturbing, yet quite explanatory as to my current situation [lack of love life]. Now, apparently, this study has determined that the odds for an active LDS woman over age 30 to marry an active LDS man over age 30 is quite an impossibility. Why? Well, for every 100 active LDS women (attends church regularly) over the age of 30, there are only 19 active LDS men. That's right. Pathetic. And this study was done in 1981! What of it NOW??? It would seem to me that the number of amazing, accomplished, active LDS women as multiplied exceedingly! I personally know at least a dozen! Not all are necessarily over 30, of course but many are nigh unto the taboo age of which I speak.
Surprisingly, I have not allowed myself to freak out about this information, as alarming as it sounds, I'm OK. :) I knew you were worried, see. As I've mentioned previously in blogs past, deep down there is still an undying hope for things to come. Hope that the righteous desires of my heart will at last be fulfilled. To quote an old favorite jazz standard, "someday he'll come along... the man I love..."
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