23 June 2008


Ok, I too have been tagged. So here are the rules...How to play the game of Tag: Post these rules on your blog. Answer these 15 questions about yourself on your blog. List 3 Joys, 3 Fears, 3 Goals, 3 Current Obsessions/Collections and 3 Random/Surprising facts. Tag 5 people at the end of your post by leaving their names. Let them know they are tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
OK, I'll bite... though mine won't be as entertaining as Mary's ;)
3 Joys
-new Alanis Album
-Working in the temple (these are in no particular order, by the way!)
3 Fears
-As Alanis once sang, "I'm consumed by the chill of solitary." So yes, that means exactly what it sounds like. One of my biggest fears is that I will spend all of mortality alone. Not that I'm ALONE alone. I have amazing friends and family members and what not. But it's different. You can't tell me otherwise, because I feel the incompleteness of my existence.
- I fear the potential issues I may have in bearing children.
- I fear the unknown at times
3 Goals
- I want to be more organized. Things are relatively organized in my life, but I've got some fine tuning to do. I want to plan ahead enough to make sure that I go to the gym three times a week instead of sporadically. I want to be more organized so that I read my scriptures everyday, etc.
- I want to go back to school at some point and get my bachelor's degree - to become a middle school language arts teacher.
- I think it would be rad to write a book. Though, I've never really attempted it to be honest.
3 Current Obsessions/Collections
- Alanis - I've always hearted Alanis. And with her new album recently being released, I've been listening to it pretty much all day everyday at work. and usually it's on my Zune while i'm driving and stuff, too. That may be considered an obsession :)
- Glenn Beck is a new obsession. I think he's brilliant and informed and freaking hilarious and I love reading his email newsletters and loved seeing his show in Akron and love discussing him and his ideas with my friend Heather.
- I apparently have an obsession with taking self-portraits. you can check most of them out on my facebook or myspace pages. i think it's hilarious :)
3 Random/Surprising Facts
Hmm.. i have no idea. um... how about whomever is reading this blog puts a random thing about me. I'm sure to be surprised :) Sorry I'm lame and can't think of anything entertaining enough...

Ok, I'm gonna tag... Timi, Amy, Katie, Amanda and Elizabeth!

07 June 2008


So, the new Alanis album, Flavors of Entanglement, comes out this Tuesday (June 10). Fortunately, I've been able to preview it on VH1.com, bless their cyber soul. I've listened to it no less than 50 times already, I'm sure. My copy is en route via the pony express as I type. There are a few songs that would seemingly be about her relationship with Ryan Reynolds. There is one song, Torch, that I'm kind of thinking about.

I've had my share of "non-relationships." I've referred to this term and vague situations in previous posts. And at times, the emotional bonds in these non-relationships can be seemingly almost as strong as those in "normal" relationships. So as I've been listening to Torch, I've been pondering upon my own experiences. We can't always explain why relationships change and even end at times.

I have loved. And in the midst of that love, I was unable to imagine not loving that person. As Alanis sings, "I never dreamed I would have to lay down my torch for you like this." Sometimes relationships just don't work out. Alanis also says in this song, "These are not times for the weak in heart." We don't just stop loving the one that we once loved. Our love changes... and I know that for me, I reflect upon the days and subjects of that love with a tender heart. It no longer seems to matter that it didn't work out, the pain isn't as strong as it once was and the happiness of the memories of the bond are able to overpower it. And at some point the pain is overpowered into oblivion. And life goes on. And the heart begins to yearn again for love.

I feel like I am trying to be more careful, though. I seem to have gotten myself into a pattern of the unrequited love. My story is that of Iris in the hit film, "The Holiday." In the opening she says, "And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. Its called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space! Yes, you are looking at one such individual." I've found that the more effort I put into the hope of a relationship, the harder I fall... Though it's always one-sided. Is it wrong to want to protect myself? Is it not prudent? Is it wrong to want to be pursued? But how does one actually get to that point? How do the reserved communicate their desire to BE pursued? These are the things that go through my head these days. I guess that (again, as Alanis sings in her new song, Incomplete), "One day I'll be at peace, I'll be enlightened and I'll be married with children and maybe adopt..."