30 November 2009
16 November 2009
I was reflecting on the fact that it isn't until you put yourself back into an old environment that you realize just how much you've changed. Sometimes for the better (idealy) and sometimes not so much.
Just as the streets, buildings and face of Sugarhouse have transformed, so have I within. The feeling there was different. It was beautiful, I was able to spend some delicious time with such amazing friends, visit so many old haunts and even some new ones. And yet even with so much familiarity, it was still completely different. Not bad or good, per se, just different. I am not the same woman I was 3.5 years ago. I'd like to think that I'm a bit wiser and also a bit more secure in who I am and even more resolved to follow the path that God would have me follow.
Granted, just as construction and improvements are continually being made in Sugarhouse, so I need continual change and progression, knowledge and understanding in my own life.
At any rate, that was just a little bit of thought in retrospect of my most recent travels... Other than those ramblings, I've not much else to say at the moment... It's been a long day getting back into the swing of everyday life! So for now, adieu.
26 October 2009
Socially, it was a little difficult at times for me – being that I was on the younger end of the spectrum. I was able to have fun and further develop a friendship with another young woman from my area, and so it was in fact good times. I definitely feel that there is a need for a mid-singles type group in my area, though.
Some interesting statistics I learned in this weekend’s festivities included the fact that the most recent studies indicate that 1/3 of the members of the LDS church are single. It seems to me to be kind of an astounding number. Even more astounding was the fact that of the single members of the Church, by the age of 30, 40% of the women are still active whereas only 8% of the men are. By age 40, the men stay stagnant at 8%, but the women drop significantly to 17%. I’m curious as to why this is.
The feeling that I got during the conference was that there are too many single members of the church just fixated on their single status. We all know that the ratio of men to women = NOT SO GOOD. So, don’t go to a conference with the expectation that you will meet somebody, and you will have a good time. What we all need to do as children of God is to focus on developing our relationship with our Father in Heaven and with our Saviour, Jesus Christ. From that we develop faith. With faith we can endure the mortal disappointment(s) we may face, but as we keep on keeping on, we are happy now, strong and able to endure now and therefore preparing for a fullness of joy in the life to come. If we are fixated on something that we can’t truly control (as it is dependent upon the agency of another person as well as our own), we lose sight of the fact that “men are that they might have joy.”
Another important point I think that I learned was that as single members of a family-focused/oriented church, we are the ones that need to reach out. We need to include ourselves and reach out to our local leaders so that they are aware of what our needs are, as they are often quite different than the needs of others. This way our local leaders will be able to help us in our individual quest to come closer to our Saviour.
Personally, I have felt very blessed and included in my ward/congregation here. There is a small group of ladies (varying in age and situation in life) and I that regularly get together for girls’ nights out. Almost every other lady that participates in these GNOs is married. But I’ve been able to cultivate good friendships with them and so when there are ward activities, I don’t feel that the rest of the ward is paired off – I’m there with my friends and their families. It further strengthens my conviction that there is nothing in this life, not situation, disappointment, nor individual that has the power to take away the testimony that I have of the fullness of the gospel of Jesus Christ, and quite literally, I’d be damned if I allowed them to rob me of my faith. Nothing is worth losing that.
21 October 2009
We were talking about how even though at times it seems futile that we’ll ever find someone with whom we may share our lives, and intellectually we’re ready to just give up and chalk ourselves up to a solitary mortality… There’s this undying HOPE within us that someday… Someday he’ll come along. Someday there WILL be a right one at the right time.
My friend’s wondering thought was: Would I just be happier to accept that it’s never going to happen and just accept that being single is it for me?
I won’t lie when I say that I, too, have wondered this. And that for some reason there is this hope deep down that won’t go away, won’t die. Intellectually, I’m so done with it because in the past 3 years I’ve only even met one person that would be worth getting to know in the romantic arena. But is that doubt, that fear – hopelessness – BETTER than having an unwavering secret hope that it will eventually all work out with someone?
I guess simply even looking at the adjectives themselves… Hopelessness, fear, and doubt are not synonymous with HAPPY. But unwavering hope is synonymous with light, goodness and yes, I daresay happiness.
One of the great blessings in the knowledge of the fullness of the gospel of Jesus Christ is the knowledge that God is aware of us because we are His children and He loves us. He wants what is best for us and as we strive toward following the path that He would have us tread, we can be assured that there is no blessing that He will withhold from us if we live as closely to that path as we possibly can – and even when we stray, the atonement of Jesus Christ is there to make up for those strayed moments. When we realize that this mortality is just a blink of time in our existence, does it REALLY matter whether we find our eternal companion now? Or later? Sure, in my mortal mind and heart, it might kind of suck. But there is a fullness of joy that I would rather be working toward, which in the eternities can and will include a companion.
So I guess that hope that is unwavering isn’t really futile. Because as long as I am true to myself and what I know to be true, there will be a “someday.” And that someday will be so worth the wait.
13 October 2009
Don’t get me wrong… sometimes the generic version turns out to be just as good as the real thing. There’s nothing wrong with a generic brand as long as the quality of the product is top notch. Although, all too often, we convince ourselves that while it’s not quite as good, it’s good enough… And if we continue to partake of the generic item, we become acclimated to its lesser quality. Sometimes it’s been so long since we had the real thing, we forget how good it is, and settle for the cheaper version.
I recently went shopping for cereal. I had decided on honey bunches of oats. I mean hi – clusters, almonds, golden goodness. What’s not to like? At the last minute I opted for the “great value” brand instead of the real deal. I suffered through that box. The clusters weren’t so clustery. And I don’t know what it was, but it was more like little pebbles than soft yet crunchy golden goodness in a box. What did I learn from this experience? Sometimes, it’s worth the extra effort/time/money to get the real deal.
I look around and I see so many people who have settled on the generic form of love. They’ve settled to be with someone that was good enough, or the one that finally asked, or the one that they’d been with so long, it was just comfortable. Sometimes it’s hard to believe that the storybook kind of love is out there, that it exists. There are countless songs, stories, poems, etc. that tell of love - the stuff that dreams are made of. The kind of love that is unconditional, selfless and filled with passion. I have to believe that it really exists. I have seen it exist with a few people I know and know of. What is it that makes people settle for the generic version? I’m not sure. But I am grateful that I am not one of them. I am happy to adopt the bridge of “21 Things I Want in a Lover” as a mantra: I’m in no hurry, I could wait forever, I’m in no rush cause I like being solo, there are no worries and certainly no pressure, in the meantime I’ll live like there’s no tomorrow.
At the end of the day, our Father in Heaven has a plan for each of us – it is up to each individual to realize the perfect plan that He has provided for us, by the choices we make each day. As we live each day to the fullest, striving to become a better version of the person we were the day before, striving to follow the straight and narrow path laid before us, we will be led to our very own promised land. It doesn't matter if the path isn't exactly what we anticipated, and we might not notice all of the perils from which we were diverted. But there will be a day when we will be able to look back with perfect clarity and see the wisdom that led us to that promised land.
09 October 2009
Sometimes when we detach from these strangers of reciprocity, they freak out. These types seem to tend to end up being defensive and incapable of copping responsibility for their actions. And they also seem to think your world must revolve around them. When in fact, it does not and there is literally no possible way for you to care less, because frankly you just don’t care.
Sometimes we may be the ones that have caused the problem. We may be on the receiving end of being “Kipped” out (that is my own kind of FRIENDS reference). Instead of throwing an immature temper tantrum, going on the defense, etc. It may behoove us to look within and try to determine what we may have done or said to cause offense/ill feelings, regardless of whether or not that was our intent. A mature, rational adult would try to be objective, would they not? If you’ve spent most of a friendship expecting things and not really giving much in return (aka a stranger to reciprocity)… then you might have a fundamental problem with interpersonal relationships. Just saying.
And sometimes we just have to tell ourselves, c’est la vie. If you’ve claimed to have moved on with your life… stop dwelling on the person from the past that only spares a thought (or blog) for you when you’ve stirred the pot. In fact, you not only stir the pot, but you pull it out of the dusty cupboard, put it on the stove and wait for it to heat up so you can stir your brew. Because after the novelty of the stirriness has passed, you will again be forgotten in the abyss of a past that served its purpose, but in retrospect was just a waste.
05 October 2009
12 September 2009
In other news, the week of my amazing European Adventure has finally arrived. I’ve been buying all sorts of fun travel-sized things, and planning to get mostly packed this weekend. I leave this coming Thursday! SO EXCITED! I will get zillions of pics and hopefully have tons of fabulous things to share. I will be going to Bath, England first to experience the Jane Austen Festival – would you expect anything less of me? I mean, really. After spending a few days there, I will be heading to London for a few days to see all the sights! And if that wasn’t amazing and dream coming true enough, I will fulfill my lifelong dream of travelling to Paris for our last two days there! I can’t believe I will be able to have this amazing opportunity! If you have any travel tips, you can post those in my comments along with the how not to be an awkward spinster tips! Ha. Alright, Ang out. More to come later – next time I blog I will be a world traveler! Stamps in my passport and all! AAHH!!!! Yay!
23 July 2009
How much time do we women simply WASTE as we hang on, fret over whether or not we’re ‘good enough’ and overanalyze every nuance of every encounter we’ve had with the object of our affection all in the name of trying to discover whether or not he’s into you. Ladies, this is a waste. Basically, if he IS into you, you won’t be left wondering. He’ll make the effort to see you, talk to you, and generally spend time with you. One thing that men usually do when they’re into a woman is that they will invest their TIME in her.
The hit book and movie, “He’s Just Not That Into You” brought this principle to light. And yet, still there are women all over the world having one sided relationships with men, holding on to any spark of a flicker of a flame in the hope that if she’s just good enough, he’ll like her. All I have to say is you are more than likely TOO GOOD for him. Forget the world, realize your amazingness and focus on what makes you happy. Chances are, pining after a man that is not your equal makes you feel a lot more miserable than happy. Just sayin!
Just as men invest time in the women they’re interested in, women invest emotion. This is why our one sided relationships ache like a “real heartache.” It IS real. But why invest that much emotion into a guy or a non-relationship that will never be? It’s easier said than done. However, as you become aware of it, you are able to recognize the unhealthiness of it all, and ideally stop the unhealthy behavior before it’s too late. And you can get by relatively unscathed. Yes, Love IS a battlefield, but you don’t have to be its casualty.
22 July 2009
I’m not gonna lie… Sometimes, I truly believe that when a guy is NOT into you and he KNOWS you ARE into him… And believe me, girls, he knows. I think he likes to keep you around to feed his male ego. He likes the attention, some may like the control they see they have over you. What IS that? Fortunately, with my lack of crushable men around, I haven’t had to deal with this strange phenomenon in about three years. A friend of mine recently experienced it and I felt it was absolutely blog worthy. Anyone else have any experiences/comments about this? Pray, tell!
06 July 2009
So I am going to make a list of some of my ideas of what love means to me. Feel free to comment and let me know some of the things that come to your mind when you think of what it means to love someone.
Giving without expectation of receiving
Receiving with gratitude
I think that all of these things are necessary in some form in order for two people to have a successful, happy and peaceful relationship. What are some of your thoughts?
22 June 2009
05 June 2009
03 June 2009
20 May 2009
Virtue and integrity both seem to be dying attributes of "modern" society. Virtue and integrity do not seem to have much bearing in the progressive movement. Fanny is the epitome of conservative and she was the only one that had good sense. Somehow, I don't find that too surprising.
Fanny has turned out to be the kind of character we should all emulate. She's not as quick-witted as Lizzie, no. But she is kind, patient, long-suffering, loyal and true to herself and her values. That is true character.
I believe I had a recent post that discussed settling in marriage - settling for someone that we know we should not be with, but are so in love with being in love or the idea of being married that we allow ourselves this error. Fanny was faced with this very opportunity, but because she loved another, though at the time she felt it was hopeless, and because she was loyal to her character and the values she held dear, she persevered. We should all learn from her example... we should all hold out for the hero that our Heavenly Father has prepared for us. I'm not saying that there is only one person for every person, but there are definitely some people that the Lord would approve for us and some that he'd prefer we passed over - not because they aren't "good enough" but because they aren't as good FOR us as another may be.
07 May 2009
Georgiana Spencer Cavendish, Duchess of Devonshire was an ancestor of Princess Diana and Sarah, Duchess of York. Interestingly, the tagline for the movie in the UK was, "There were three people in her marriage..." Apparently it is a reference to a Princess Diana quote.
And so we see that many of these royal marriages were unhappy, filled with infidelity and abuse on a variety of levels. Being forced to share a home with your husband and his mistress (who had at one point been your best friend) does not seem like happily ever after to me. It's no wonder that Jane Austen wrote often about marrying for love. Fortunately for her heroines, they not only married for love but in most cases the men with whom they loved also had money.
One of the topics that I'd tossed around in my head during my most recent bout of blog-silence was the fact that there are SO many love songs out there - that must mean that there are people in the world that have truly experienced it!! I thought of this when listening to the song, Lucky, by Jason Mraz featuring Colbie Caillet. I love that song. I'm also really digging Push by Sarah McLachlan right now (among a great many other ones).
It's kind of interesting really... We all want this magical kind of love - the stuff that dreams are made of. But in our quest and obsession with it, we try to force it from the first person that comes along that seems to be at least willing [to settle along with you]. I think that far too often we settle for less than what we deserve. We become so obsessed with finding a quick route to this magic that we look blindly past the truth that glares us in the eye - that a love like that - of our dreams - is worth waiting for.
In the [awesome] movie, The Holiday, Iris is told that she is behaving like the best friend when she's really the leading lady. When we start acting like the amazing leading lady, perhaps our hero, even a knight in shining armor, will gallop up and bring to fruition the hopes and dreams of all the love songs we've ever loved.
06 May 2009
I guess Fanny is a prime example of a lovely and virtuous woman who doesn’t understand her self-worth because the people around her have raised her to believe that she isn’t as good as those around her and have done so in order to oppress her.
Just for a little background for those who have not yet read this novel: Fanny Price is the daughter of a woman who has two sisters. Fanny’s mother did not marry as well as her two sisters and lots of kids later, ends up sending one of her children (Fanny) to live with her sister who married a Baronet. Needless to say, they live much better than what Fanny was used to (she was ten when she left home) and had 4 cousins to get used to (though she was being raised WITH them, they felt it was important to make sure that she knew she was not at their level). The third aunt lives nearby and played a key role in bringing Fanny to live at Mansfield Park, though wants credit for the idea of doing a good deed rather than actually DOING a good deed. Anyway, being that Fanny was not born the daughter of a Baronet, she is treated in a way that she won't confuse her “station” or whatever.
Fanny has a natural strong sense of propriety and goodness - which is a great quality to possess. Though, like I said, she lacks confidence and it is leaving a less than good taste in my mouth. For those who have read it, I am just finishing the part where the young people of the house were working on getting this scandalous play together. A play which Fanny would have no part, even at their begging. She keeps lucking out, though, every time she starts to reluctantly give in to do something she'd rather not do, situations tend to happen to get her out of it. She can only handle so much pressure, I guess. Though, she seriously just keeps lucking out. Don’t get me wrong, I can completely relate to so many of Fanny’s passive aggressive ways, but I guess I’m just realizing that she’s more of an unlikely heroine - at least at this point of the story. Perhaps I will change my mind again once I get to the end. I don’t recall the details of my previous reading of the novel. Those of my [like 4] readers who are familiar with the story – what do you think of Fanny? Pray, tell!
This is my random rambling from today. As I am reading, I’m underlining passages for future blog entries. So hopefully I can continue to maintain some sort of regularity with my blogging!
02 May 2009
22 April 2009
21 April 2009
Can I just say, I can NOT agree MORE. Oh my land. We live in a world that people can seem so desperate to not be alone, that they settle for less than they want and/or deserve, people begin relationships with the hope that the other will change, they feel lukewarm about the person they're with, or they aren't as compatible as they'd have hoped, etc. I think that part of the problem is that we have stopped being honest with ourselves. We lie to ourselves in the attempt to feel better. Society fuels our insecurities and ill decisions by convincing us that we are worthless simply because we're "alone."
Now, I know I'm technically getting into spinstiness. That's right, I'm 32 and unmarried, so I'm a spinster, right? But I am SO grateful that I've been able to have the opportunity thus far to not be with the WRONG person. It has afforded me the opportunity to really come to know what I want in a potential mate and how I want to be in my future marital bliss (I know marriage is hard work, I'm saying it like that for effect).
I guess I ask you this: How much stronger is a woman who knows her worth and stands by her principles? A woman that listens to her gut feeling (dare I say the Spirit)? A woman who is strong enough to stand on her own, but sensitive enough to want to be a wife and mother someday?
We should all strive to be honest with ourselves and the people we relationship (yes, I am using that as a verb). Our culture seems to tell people to continue holding on trying to force things to work out even when deep down we know we aren't happy. Idealy, we discover this BEFORE exchanging marital vows. Instead of dating someone you know you "just aren't that into" for 6 months, be strong enough to cut it off after a fair trial of say two months. If you aren't in it to win it after 2 months, not much is gonna change in another 4 months... or 4 years... etc. Granted, I'm not intending to assign a specific time frame, and each person's situation will be unique to them. All I'm saying is, be honest with yourself. How can one expect to be led to the "right one" when they're too busy wasting time with the "wrong one?"
19 April 2009
While some may feel this would be a depressing experience I honestly think it's just hysterical. As of lately, I have been feeling that I'm in a good place with my single status. My feelings haven't been complicated by an unrequited crush for some time now (as there are no options in my area). I don't know if that's why it has helped me feel in a good place or not. I haven't tortured myself over anyone for quite some time now. hahha. That's what we women do, isn't it? Until we find "the one?" We torture ourselves over man after man? I for one have felt plenty of torture and am [hopefully] done.
I also have come to the conclusion that I must believe and trust in God's timetable for me. Right? I mean, He does know what's best. And as long as I remain steadfast and true to Him, He is bound to the promises which have been made me. And I figure, just like Sarah, the mother of Isaac, she almost laughed at the prophecy that she'd bear a child when she was past the age of child bearing. God was able to allow her to bear a child when it seemed impossible. I figure He can lead a worthy priesthood holding man to northeast Ohio for me. :) As impossible as it may seem - it can be done. So, that's what I'm holding out for. A miracle of my very own.
13 April 2009
I mean, I thought that it was the female Stuart Smalley in there with me. It was so awkward, I sat on my personal throne in shock. I literally heard her having a conversation with herself, "you need to just focus. you don't want to start the week off out of focus. last week was a bad week, you weren't focused. i'm gonna go back in there and be completely focused." I'm not gonna lie. I thought it was by far one of the weirdest bathroom adventures I've had yet... Just had to share!