Torch

So, the new Alanis album, Flavors of Entanglement, comes out this Tuesday (June 10). Fortunately, I've been able to preview it on VH1.com, bless their cyber soul. I've listened to it no less than 50 times already, I'm sure. My copy is en route via the pony express as I type. There are a few songs that would seemingly be about her relationship with Ryan Reynolds. There is one song, Torch, that I'm kind of thinking about.

I've had my share of "non-relationships." I've referred to this term and vague situations in previous posts. And at times, the emotional bonds in these non-relationships can be seemingly almost as strong as those in "normal" relationships. So as I've been listening to Torch, I've been pondering upon my own experiences. We can't always explain why relationships change and even end at times.

I have loved. And in the midst of that love, I was unable to imagine not loving that person. As Alanis sings, "I never dreamed I would have to lay down my torch for you like this." Sometimes relationships just don't work out. Alanis also says in this song, "These are not times for the weak in heart." We don't just stop loving the one that we once loved. Our love changes... and I know that for me, I reflect upon the days and subjects of that love with a tender heart. It no longer seems to matter that it didn't work out, the pain isn't as strong as it once was and the happiness of the memories of the bond are able to overpower it. And at some point the pain is overpowered into oblivion. And life goes on. And the heart begins to yearn again for love.

I feel like I am trying to be more careful, though. I seem to have gotten myself into a pattern of the unrequited love. My story is that of Iris in the hit film, "The Holiday." In the opening she says, "And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. Its called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space! Yes, you are looking at one such individual." I've found that the more effort I put into the hope of a relationship, the harder I fall... Though it's always one-sided. Is it wrong to want to protect myself? Is it not prudent? Is it wrong to want to be pursued? But how does one actually get to that point? How do the reserved communicate their desire to BE pursued? These are the things that go through my head these days. I guess that (again, as Alanis sings in her new song, Incomplete), "One day I'll be at peace, I'll be enlightened and I'll be married with children and maybe adopt..."