For the love of everything good in this life. The last few weeks have been stress fest for me. I've gotten to that point where corporate America is sucking my will to live. And I feel stuck. Even with the change approaching this fall of returning to school and with the hopes of improving and bettering myself and my situation (which isn't BAD, per se, just AAAAHG). Something has got to give, though. Living a life where on Sunday afternoon all of a sudden a ball of anxiety begins to churn in your stomach because of the approaching week and all that it will bring... Well, that's just not a good thing. Granted, I will be given an opportunity soon to work some from home and the days of 70+ mile one way commutes have come to an end... But I'm wondering if it will ultimately make me feel any better. So I've just been spending much of my life feeling frustrated lately.
It seems to me that there are very few lucky ones out there - very few people that love what they do. I've often heard people say that the real trick to life is to do what you love and find a way to get paid doing it. So if anyone has any suggestions on how I can make bank being me, holla at a sista.
18 July 2010
06 July 2010
In the meantime I'll live like there's no tomorrow...
Recently, I had read a few blogs and discussed with a few other “singles” the idea of having held back on life decisions because “what if…” What if I meet someone next year, how can I be in school, move, change jobs, etc. One such blog post, by Why I’m Still Single, discussed this and how, essentially, it equates to basing your life decisions on a person that doesn’t even exist [in your life yet]. I’ve come to realize and accept that while I may have begun this behavior subconsciously, I perpetuated it mini-consciously. You know, not really admitting it to myself even while the thought floats by ever so briefly…
I have decided that the time has come to live my life the way it was meant to be lived. I have been toying with the idea of returning to school for quite some time. I’ve been back in Ohio now for 4 years. I never planned on being here that long, and at the time chose not to attend school with the thought that “I might not be living here next year,” or whatever the excuse may be. Now, I’m saying, "screw that mess!"
I’ve pondered upon it, and this past weekend made the first step. Granted, it’s community college, but education is education and it will work with my work schedule. Although it isn’t working toward what I had previously thought about pursuing, I am pleased at this time with the decision to pursue a degree in Human Resources. I’m in the process now of getting everything squared away in order to begin classes this fall. It’s an exciting change, a new path toward progress. I’m hoping that it will work out with the timing of other life situations so that in a couple of years I will complete an AS in HRM and be able to expand my occupational horizons, perhaps with a move elsewhere and idealy continuing my education further – the options can and will be unlimited. There is no imaginary potential person holding me down or back.
What it all really boils down to is fear. We often doubt ourselves to such an extent that we render ourselves incapable of the potential lying before us. There comes a time when you just have to take a leap into the unknown and allow yourself to realize your capabilities. The trick is to learn to navigate the twists and turns with an open mind and open heart and accept that even when things don’t work out exactly the way we had expected or wanted, it doesn’t mean we’re at a dead end - sometimes the twists and turns are what really fulfill the dreams we didn't even know we had.
I have decided that the time has come to live my life the way it was meant to be lived. I have been toying with the idea of returning to school for quite some time. I’ve been back in Ohio now for 4 years. I never planned on being here that long, and at the time chose not to attend school with the thought that “I might not be living here next year,” or whatever the excuse may be. Now, I’m saying, "screw that mess!"
I’ve pondered upon it, and this past weekend made the first step. Granted, it’s community college, but education is education and it will work with my work schedule. Although it isn’t working toward what I had previously thought about pursuing, I am pleased at this time with the decision to pursue a degree in Human Resources. I’m in the process now of getting everything squared away in order to begin classes this fall. It’s an exciting change, a new path toward progress. I’m hoping that it will work out with the timing of other life situations so that in a couple of years I will complete an AS in HRM and be able to expand my occupational horizons, perhaps with a move elsewhere and idealy continuing my education further – the options can and will be unlimited. There is no imaginary potential person holding me down or back.
What it all really boils down to is fear. We often doubt ourselves to such an extent that we render ourselves incapable of the potential lying before us. There comes a time when you just have to take a leap into the unknown and allow yourself to realize your capabilities. The trick is to learn to navigate the twists and turns with an open mind and open heart and accept that even when things don’t work out exactly the way we had expected or wanted, it doesn’t mean we’re at a dead end - sometimes the twists and turns are what really fulfill the dreams we didn't even know we had.
09 June 2010
A collage... A stolen idea from my friend's amazing blog!
So fun - an autobiographical collage!
QUESTIONS:
1. What is your name?
2. What is your favorite food?
3. What is your hometown?
4. What is your favorite color?
5. What is your favorite movie?
6. What is your favorite drink?
7. What is your dream vacation?
8. What is your favorite dessert?
9. What is one word to describe yourself?
10. How are you feeling right now?
11. What do you love most in the world?
12. What do you want to be when you grow up?
Directions
- Go to Google image search and do be careful.
- Type in your answer to each question.
- Choose a picture from the first three pages
- Use this website (http://bighugelabs.com/flickr/mosaic.php) to make your collage.
QUESTIONS:
1. What is your name?
2. What is your favorite food?
3. What is your hometown?
4. What is your favorite color?
5. What is your favorite movie?
6. What is your favorite drink?
7. What is your dream vacation?
8. What is your favorite dessert?
9. What is one word to describe yourself?
10. How are you feeling right now?
11. What do you love most in the world?
12. What do you want to be when you grow up?
Directions
- Go to Google image search and do be careful.
- Type in your answer to each question.
- Choose a picture from the first three pages
- Use this website (http://bighugelabs.com/flickr/mosaic.php) to make your collage.
Four years? Seriously?!
So I meant to post this last week... But here it is!
It was four years ago this week that I had gotten all of my belongings packed up and I left Salt Lake City. I miss my life there muchly, but I can see many reasons why I have been where I now am. I’ve had so many opportunities since moving home! I never ever dreamed that Ashtabula, Ohio would hold much for me. I was wrong, however.
When I left SLC, it was with a heavy heart, which led to a broken heart. I had hopes of moving to the east coast to another area high in LDS Singles population, however, that was not my lot at that time. Instead:
- I found a great job
- I’ve been able to serve in my stake and as an ordinance worker at the temple
- I was able to get out of debt
- I was able to purchase a car with a good down payment when I needed to
- I was able to get lasik
- I was able to go on my dream vacation to England and France
- I’m able to spend time with my oldest friends and be here for many of their important life events
- The above also goes for family and family events
- My mind has opened politically, intellectually and spiritually and all three can be combined!
This, and so much more, has been the result of what I never dreamed would be a good thing. I’ve had experiences and opportunities I never expected. There’s still so many more dreams to earn, but I feel like this was an appropriate stop along the way to so much more than I ever considered would be possible. So even though Ashtabula can be quite the social challenge for a single LDS woman, it’s proven to be more than I ever imagined it could be.
It was four years ago this week that I had gotten all of my belongings packed up and I left Salt Lake City. I miss my life there muchly, but I can see many reasons why I have been where I now am. I’ve had so many opportunities since moving home! I never ever dreamed that Ashtabula, Ohio would hold much for me. I was wrong, however.
When I left SLC, it was with a heavy heart, which led to a broken heart. I had hopes of moving to the east coast to another area high in LDS Singles population, however, that was not my lot at that time. Instead:
- I found a great job
- I’ve been able to serve in my stake and as an ordinance worker at the temple
- I was able to get out of debt
- I was able to purchase a car with a good down payment when I needed to
- I was able to get lasik
- I was able to go on my dream vacation to England and France
- I’m able to spend time with my oldest friends and be here for many of their important life events
- The above also goes for family and family events
- My mind has opened politically, intellectually and spiritually and all three can be combined!
This, and so much more, has been the result of what I never dreamed would be a good thing. I’ve had experiences and opportunities I never expected. There’s still so many more dreams to earn, but I feel like this was an appropriate stop along the way to so much more than I ever considered would be possible. So even though Ashtabula can be quite the social challenge for a single LDS woman, it’s proven to be more than I ever imagined it could be.
25 April 2010
A lady's imagination...
"A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment." - Mr Darcy in Pride and Prejudice
And this is why Jane Austen transcends time. She understood human nature SO well and characterized so vividly so many of these human idiosyncrasies. P&P was written 200 years ago, and yet I've seen myself fall into this trap that Darcy describes.
It's so easy for women to go from hello to I do in the blink of their mind's eye. I think that it boils down to the fact that we are so in love with the idea of being in love that we hope for it at every corner. The trick is to learn how to rein in this psychotic phenomena. Knowing is half the battle, right ladies?
I think that in my past this rapid succession of a non-relationship has contributed to my perpetual non-relationships. My mind's eye has flashed forward to a happily ever after and I hold on to this fictional story - waiting, wishing, hoping and tormenting myself into yet another broken heart. And yet I must accept most of the responsibility for this broken heart because I had created such a strong attachment to someone that never reciprocated it. I was waiting for the reciprocation, but it never came. And so like Elinor in Sense and Sensibility, I suffer all of the disappointment of a broken attachment without ever having enjoyed the rewards.
I won't lie, though... As much as it sucks to not have much of a "dating pool" where I am now and in the demographic to which I belong, it's usually much more serene than what I'd had before. It's also given me time to solidify my determination to not settle for someone who is a stranger to reciprocity.
And those are my few thoughts for the night... ps, yes, Jane Austen IS indeed my homegirl :)
And this is why Jane Austen transcends time. She understood human nature SO well and characterized so vividly so many of these human idiosyncrasies. P&P was written 200 years ago, and yet I've seen myself fall into this trap that Darcy describes.
It's so easy for women to go from hello to I do in the blink of their mind's eye. I think that it boils down to the fact that we are so in love with the idea of being in love that we hope for it at every corner. The trick is to learn how to rein in this psychotic phenomena. Knowing is half the battle, right ladies?
I think that in my past this rapid succession of a non-relationship has contributed to my perpetual non-relationships. My mind's eye has flashed forward to a happily ever after and I hold on to this fictional story - waiting, wishing, hoping and tormenting myself into yet another broken heart. And yet I must accept most of the responsibility for this broken heart because I had created such a strong attachment to someone that never reciprocated it. I was waiting for the reciprocation, but it never came. And so like Elinor in Sense and Sensibility, I suffer all of the disappointment of a broken attachment without ever having enjoyed the rewards.
I won't lie, though... As much as it sucks to not have much of a "dating pool" where I am now and in the demographic to which I belong, it's usually much more serene than what I'd had before. It's also given me time to solidify my determination to not settle for someone who is a stranger to reciprocity.
And those are my few thoughts for the night... ps, yes, Jane Austen IS indeed my homegirl :)
Mr Clutter update
Well this weekend i've been quarantined due to pink eye. so i straightened up the clutter of my vanity a wee bit. it's so much better. but. i have a LOT of stuff. If you need any clinique lipstick, let me know. I can hook you up. :) And ps, remember the whole free gift with purchase post awhile back? the post with the multitude of pics of makeup bags? yeah. It's April. I've gotten 3 Clinique bonuses this year so far... Is it a sickness? It just might be. pps, pink eye sucks. but crises endured. my eyes are almost normal again! yay for antibiotics!
15 April 2010
Please, Mr. Clutter!
I sang that to the tune of “Please Mr. Custer, I don’t wanna go!” hahah. I’m a freak like that. I will avoid the ceremonious pointing out of the horror of my lack of bloggage and just get on with it ;)
Lately I’ve been feeling really blah. Part of it is that I’ve been practically living in my car and doing so many things away from home that when I AM home, I don’t want to do anything that needs to be done. I’m cluttered. I need to DEclutter so badly. My car, my room, my life, etc. But where does one start?
And then I have begun to wonder: Would I even be READY to be married in the state in which I live? Seriously… SHARE a room with someone? Closet and storage space?! It’s not that I wouldn’t WANT to, mind you, the question is: would I be able to effectively transition to said sharing? Looking around my pitiful and bulging room, it would appear to me that an overhaul is in order. But again, I ask, where does one start? I’ve got storage bins and organizers aplenty… I’ve got who’s its and what’s it galore! You want lots of makeup bags? I got close to 40. Seriously. *sigh*
I think my life needs some new direction, some change, some pull me out of this ruttedness. Is it because Spring is beginning? New life, change and back on the path to a fullness that we call summer? I’m supposed to be in the summer of my life, not the drudgy depths of winter! Don’t get me wrong, I’m not emotionally depressed. Just… stuck right now, I guess. A yearning for whatever it is that’s around the corner… or whizzing down the river… come on deliver to me!!!! This is a random lyric-filled post, too! How many songs can YOU name that I’ve already quoted?! Challenge extended!
OK, ok… any thoughts on decluttering and organizing? Tips and advice and things? It’s getting late, and this post is brought to you by the letters Z and z… Honestly, I’ll try and be better and write more. Just promise me that you’ll comment me and validate me.
Lately I’ve been feeling really blah. Part of it is that I’ve been practically living in my car and doing so many things away from home that when I AM home, I don’t want to do anything that needs to be done. I’m cluttered. I need to DEclutter so badly. My car, my room, my life, etc. But where does one start?
And then I have begun to wonder: Would I even be READY to be married in the state in which I live? Seriously… SHARE a room with someone? Closet and storage space?! It’s not that I wouldn’t WANT to, mind you, the question is: would I be able to effectively transition to said sharing? Looking around my pitiful and bulging room, it would appear to me that an overhaul is in order. But again, I ask, where does one start? I’ve got storage bins and organizers aplenty… I’ve got who’s its and what’s it galore! You want lots of makeup bags? I got close to 40. Seriously. *sigh*
I think my life needs some new direction, some change, some pull me out of this ruttedness. Is it because Spring is beginning? New life, change and back on the path to a fullness that we call summer? I’m supposed to be in the summer of my life, not the drudgy depths of winter! Don’t get me wrong, I’m not emotionally depressed. Just… stuck right now, I guess. A yearning for whatever it is that’s around the corner… or whizzing down the river… come on deliver to me!!!! This is a random lyric-filled post, too! How many songs can YOU name that I’ve already quoted?! Challenge extended!
OK, ok… any thoughts on decluttering and organizing? Tips and advice and things? It’s getting late, and this post is brought to you by the letters Z and z… Honestly, I’ll try and be better and write more. Just promise me that you’ll comment me and validate me.
Does this mess of a vanity portray my OWN vanity? Sure hope not!!!! Oye!!!
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