Our Name Is Our Virtue

To quote the new hit Jason Mraz song, “I’m Yours,” ‘I guess what I be sayin is that there ain’t no better reason to rid yourself of vanities and just go with the seasons, it’s what we aim to do, our name is our virtue.’ I think that we often pretend to be something that we’re not when we begin a relationship - or attempt to begin a new relationship. We just need to be ourselves. Be natural.

I think most of us, for unknown reasons, have forgotten that perhaps we should approach relationships with honesty - not only with the other person, but honesty with ourselves. We try to convince ourselves that things are gonna get better, when the bottom line is that we don't really WANT them to. I know a girl that started dating a guy about a month ago. Even though after the first date (he brought his parents) she wasn’t really interested in pursuing things with him. She has since decided to continue to date him. Their relationship seems to have progressed quickly in the physical sense (though apparently it’s average in worldly relationships). She is just now finding more and more quirks that he has. Granted, everyone has quirks and most shouldn’t be “deal breakers.” Though from what she’s been telling me, he’s got some major OCD tendencies. And he’s trying to impose his OCD tendencies on her. Of course she’s not willing to adopt these crazy, inconvenient tendencies. Countless times she’s said “I dunno… I don’t think I can deal with this long-term,” or something like unto it. In her case, she's got kids to think about, too. How will keeping this guy around affect not only her, but her children? All these complaints and yet not willing to stop the insanity!

So what is it about people that get into relationships and they KNOW they absolutely know in their gut that this person isn’t the one that they will want to spend the rest of their life/existence with… and yet they keep hanging on hoping that something will change. It’s like they’re more in love with the idea of a relationship than the actual person with whom they’re relationshipping. Again, I must quote Alanis, “why why do I try to change you try to change you when you really don’t want me to?” It just never works when we try to change someone. If someone chooses to change on their own, for their own purposes that’s one thing… But it pretty much never really works when we try to mold someone into something they’re not - simply to appease our ideas of what we want. It’s selfish and less effective.

Yet again, we’re not being honest with ourselves and certainly not with the other person. How ‘bout we stop wasting time with the wrong person and focus on finding the right one? We wonder why so many of us can’t find happiness, can’t find a successful relationship, etc. It’s simply because… well, to quote Anne Shirley in the final scene of Anne of Avonlea, “It’s just I went searching for my ideals outside of myself. I discovered it’s not what the world holds for you… It’s what you bring to it.” It’s time we learn who we are and what we can bring to the relationship table. Once we do, we will be prepared for our own perfect relationship with all its flaws. :)