Apparently isn’t so unusual these days. This past weekend I participated in a Single Adult Conference in Kirtland, Ohio (I was actually part of the planning committee a little bit, too) hosted by the five northern Ohio stakes of the LDS church. Overall, it was a great weekend, spiritually speaking. We were very blessed with wonderful speakers, amazing workshops and uplifted and entertained by our keynote speaker, Catherine Stokes. The panel discussion and closing remarks after lunch on Sunday (the panel included the Columbus Ohio Temple President and Matron, Karl Anderson aka Mr. Kirtland, Catherine Stokes, Kirtland Stake President, and a couple others with much knowledge and experience with single life).
Socially, it was a little difficult at times for me – being that I was on the younger end of the spectrum. I was able to have fun and further develop a friendship with another young woman from my area, and so it was in fact good times. I definitely feel that there is a need for a mid-singles type group in my area, though.
Some interesting statistics I learned in this weekend’s festivities included the fact that the most recent studies indicate that 1/3 of the members of the LDS church are single. It seems to me to be kind of an astounding number. Even more astounding was the fact that of the single members of the Church, by the age of 30, 40% of the women are still active whereas only 8% of the men are. By age 40, the men stay stagnant at 8%, but the women drop significantly to 17%. I’m curious as to why this is.
The feeling that I got during the conference was that there are too many single members of the church just fixated on their single status. We all know that the ratio of men to women = NOT SO GOOD. So, don’t go to a conference with the expectation that you will meet somebody, and you will have a good time. What we all need to do as children of God is to focus on developing our relationship with our Father in Heaven and with our Saviour, Jesus Christ. From that we develop faith. With faith we can endure the mortal disappointment(s) we may face, but as we keep on keeping on, we are happy now, strong and able to endure now and therefore preparing for a fullness of joy in the life to come. If we are fixated on something that we can’t truly control (as it is dependent upon the agency of another person as well as our own), we lose sight of the fact that “men are that they might have joy.”
Another important point I think that I learned was that as single members of a family-focused/oriented church, we are the ones that need to reach out. We need to include ourselves and reach out to our local leaders so that they are aware of what our needs are, as they are often quite different than the needs of others. This way our local leaders will be able to help us in our individual quest to come closer to our Saviour.
Personally, I have felt very blessed and included in my ward/congregation here. There is a small group of ladies (varying in age and situation in life) and I that regularly get together for girls’ nights out. Almost every other lady that participates in these GNOs is married. But I’ve been able to cultivate good friendships with them and so when there are ward activities, I don’t feel that the rest of the ward is paired off – I’m there with my friends and their families. It further strengthens my conviction that there is nothing in this life, not situation, disappointment, nor individual that has the power to take away the testimony that I have of the fullness of the gospel of Jesus Christ, and quite literally, I’d be damned if I allowed them to rob me of my faith. Nothing is worth losing that.
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6 comments:
Great post Angela!!! You're speaking my language. It's hard to fit in sometimes as a single member, but my testimony is way too important to me for me to let that get in the way. I couldn't agree more with this post. :)
1/3 is kinda high.....wonder why???
i was wondering that, too... i think perhaps that it is related to the data that even among the LDS, people are marrying later.. and if they are marrying later, they're more likely to be less-active when they GET married, making them more likely to marry non-LDS folks... and/or the ones that ARE still active are at such a disadvantage with so many people going less-active that they don't want to settle on a non-LDS marriage, and with so few to choose from, bada bing. 1/3 single member population in the Church. viscious cycle i guess.
I think you have the best attitude toward this issue! I really enjoyed your post:)
This was a good perspective to see. Thanks!
I think the issue is that the Family is under attack. Sister Dew said that the greatest weapon Satan is using is to attack mothers. But I think he has gone to the start - to the basic creation of families. Men aren't pursuing women as they used to. The practice of courting is diminishing, and women, being the strong innovated beings we are, don't wait around as wall flowers hoping to be caught. We move forward, and that intimidates men even more. Both sides need to take an honest look at our paths and work toward aligning in this battle.
And also I think being single longer, if ones stays active, can increase our wisdom and strength in ways not normal to those who marry young. And the battle ahead is going to require greater faith. And, let's face it, if you're single and past 30 and you have hope and faith you'll get married - in the Temple to a righteous person, that is great faith. :) Not to say that marrying young doesn't foster faith. But be alone, and suffering loniness, causes one to turn to the Lord with greater diligence. (If that's where one turns.)
Just a few random thoughts.
Yeah you definitely look way younger. But 32 is the new 22. Glad that you liked the conference, I'm scared of them most of the time.
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